Transformation of grief changes fallen police officer’s mom
At first glance, the Halloween festival at Tivoli Too in Laguna Beach on Sunday seemed like any other community celebration. There were children running around with painted faces, adults sipping firewater, rows of auction items and live music playing in the background.
But if you looked closely, you could see something else. And his name was Jon Coutchie.
It’s been three years since Coutchie, a Laguna Beach motorcycle officer, died while on duty trying to locate a suspect. He was 41.
It was the first line-of-duty death that Laguna had experienced since 1953.
The festival, meanwhile, started last year as a way to extend Coutchie’s legacy by supporting some of his favorite causes.
For Luciana Coutchie, Jon’s mom, it has also become a way to move forward.
“Everybody’s grief is different,” she said. “Originally, I wanted to do something to keep Jon’s memory alive, but it has evolved.”
It took Luciana awhile to gain her emotional bearings, and while the event is in its second year, she’s willing to feel celebratory.
“I’ve had friends say, ‘how come you didn’t go to therapy?’” she said. “For me this is a different road. I live in South Carolina but find comfort coming here to Laguna.”
She now spends about four months out of the year here, where she has gained friends and supporters. She’d move to Laguna full-time, if she could swing it.
“The community is the most generous community that I have ever seen,” she said. “I just can’t say enough. They are amazing. People help each other in Laguna and support each other. That is unique.”
Proceeds from the festival are still being counted but last year’s donations totaled $18,000, which all went to the Community Service Program (CSP) Youth Shelter.
Luciana learned the details of Jon’s priorities by having to go through his belongings. The former Army Ranger always liked to help children, and the CSP program was a good fit.
“I found out later that these are children who, for the most part, tried to commit suicide,” she said. “That became more important to me, to do a job that Jon had done his entire life. It’s a celebration of children. I wish I had a magic wand and could make every child’s life beautiful so that they could celebrate, but unfortunately, it’s not reality.”
On Sunday, there were many community booths, especially from law enforcement and the public sector, including the Orange County Sheriff’s and Tustin Police departments and the California Highway Patrol.
There were also many children’s activities, such as a bounce house, costume parade, balloon artist and Lord Tubbington, the cat from “Glee.” The musical bands were Brightside and The Black Tongued Bells.
Luciana admitted that she sometimes feels awkward trying to raise money, but she holds fast to the outcome: It benefits others.
“I feel like if saying Jon Coutchie is going to help these children, then I’m going to say Jon Coutchie as long as I can,” she said. “I hope people don’t take that the wrong way, but the priority for me now isn’t Jon, necessarily, it has evolved into helping the kids. That is what I feel.
“We are all here for a short time. No matter how long you live, it is a short time. You can’t take anything with you.”
To that end, she wants to help for as long as she can.
“I’m 70 years old, and I live alone. I don’t know how much more time I have left,” she said. “It’s just a very comforting thing to continue Jon’s mission in life: protecting people and paying it forward.”
As her grief takes a back seat, Luciana tries to focus on the future. It’s now about creating meaning and value out of a senseless accident.
“If we just live and think of ourselves and don’t think of others, then why are we here? We need to contribute something. You can’t just always take. You have to contribute to life, and this is one way of doing that. My happiness comes from making a difference in other people’s lives. Is there anything better than that?”
She will spend the next several days handwriting thank you cards to every donor. During the next few weeks until she returns to South Carolina at the end of November, she will volunteer for every community function she can.
The night after the festival, Halloween, Luciana thought about giving out candy to the children but instead she gave out dollar bills.
“Giving is a selfish thing because you feel so good when you do.” she said. “So ultimately, the happiness I have is because I’m helping someone else.”
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DAVID HANSEN is a writer and Laguna Beach resident. He can be reached at hansen.dave@gmail.com.