Navigating child-rearing in the digital age

Are you confused about digital media? Does it seem like a sinister plot to control our children one moment and a wondrous development the next?

Rest assured, you are not alone. There’s good reason for being perplexed about the effects of computerization and mobile technology on our youth. In large measure, it’s because we’re being fed so much bewildering and often contradictory information on the topic that it’s difficult to get a handle on exactly what’s happening.

Consider the following case in point: In the space of just a few days recently, the influential American Academy of Pediatrics issued some research findings and policy guidelines that, while meant to clarify issues surrounding digital media, also might have had the concurrent effect of jumbling our understanding further.

One study, the academy announced, found that the more time children spend using digital devices, the less likely they are to finish their homework. Another research project focused on the dangers of parents’ over-sharing information about their kids on social media.

Yet roughly around the same time as it presented such ominous information, the academy also announced that it had backed away from its longstanding recommendation to shield children under 2 years old completely from televisions, computers tablets or mobile devices.

In its policy statement, the organization modified its guidelines, indicating that specific educational programming can be safely introduced to children at 18 months but that parents should watch or use the media with their children to guide them and help them learn.

A 2014 Harvard Family Research Project painted another murky picture. On the one hand, it extolled the virtues of digital media, saying effective uses by children can be engaging and empowering, and that even very young children can benefit.

On the other hand, it warned that excessive screen time can be harmful to kids, regardless of content and that parents are more apt to consider the upside, educational benefits instead of the downsides of technology.

What’s a well-meaning parent to do when the line between what is and isn’t appropriate or healthy is often as clear as mud?

I put the question to Dr. Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Research Center in Newport Beach.

“The truth is, there are no hard and fast rules,” she said. “Technology is part of the fabric of everyday life for kids in a way that we parents will probably never understand.”

That said, Rutledge did have some suggestions for parents, which I’ll attempt to summarize.

First, she counsels parents to change their perspective and stop thinking about online worlds as separate from what they consider to be the real world. If their goal is to teach their children to be good citizens, then they should make it clear that they expect the same types of attitudes and behaviors while their kids are online as they do in all other settings.

She also advises parents to let common sense be their guide. Change is hard, she acknowledged, and it’s always difficult to strike a balance between allowing kids to grow and protecting them from harm.

“Let your decisions be guided by your fundamental goals, values and morals, not fear of the unknown,” she said.

Rutledge also emphasized the importance of parents starting early and maintaining an open, two-way dialogue with their children about technology. Let kids explain how things work and why they like them, while parents can calmly and in a nonthreatening manner describe their concerns.

Slowly let out the leash as kids display greater maturity, she recommends. And perhaps most difficult but equally important is that if parents want their children to follow an agreed-upon set of behaviors regarding digital media, then they too must adhere to those guidelines. That means paying attention to their kids first, not their phones.

And what about very young children?

As in all aspects of life, it’s all about balance, Rutledge said.

Some organizations recommend what’s called either a “Family Media Plan” or “Family Media Use Plan,” and even have online instructions to guide users through various steps to develop individualized plans for each household.

While such tools can be helpful, Dr. Rutledge thinks that trying to adopt and follow a rigid plan for regulating the amount of screen time allowed might be a bit too complicated and time-consuming than necessary.

Instead of adhering to a specific number for screen time, she said, it’s better to focus on ensuring that children are getting an adequate amount of active play, interaction with parents and others, and quality sleep, as well as sufficient time for schoolwork and family meals. Also, for young kids, the content on their devices is more important than the actual amount of time spent using them.

Rutledge also emphasized that there is no one correct way to raise children, and we should all avoid the temptation to judge other parents for their choices. “If you are conscientious, concerned and trying hard to have your kids’ best interests at heart, you are making the ‘right’ decisions,” she said. “My kids used screens quite a bit. We also read a lot, sewed together and did crafts. One grew up to be a software engineer, the other a teacher.”

The bottom line, when it comes to technology or any other parenting challenge, she said, is this: “You know your child. Trust your judgment.”

PATRICE APODACA is a former Newport-Mesa public school parent and former Los Angeles Times staff writer. She lives in Newport Beach.