Errant apostrophes a labor of love

Valentine’s Day is coming. And you know what that means. Lots of exciting, passionate, thrilling talk about possessives -- specifically, the use of possessives in holiday names. (If you know something I don’t here, it’s probably best that you don’t mention it.)

All across the nation, couples will come together this Valentine’s Day to explore questions such as: Is there an apostrophe in Valentine’s Day and where does it go? Is it the same for Saint Patrick’s Day? Because that’s coming up too and we still haven’t figured out whether an apostrophe belongs in Presidents Day. And what about Mother’s Day? And what about New Year’s? Not to mention the confusing mixed messages of Guy Fawkes Day and Orangemen’s Day.

Yes, for many people -- especially certain word nerds -- Feb. 14 truly is that exciting.

I always say that possessives are like a box of chocolates. Just when you think you’re getting them, you realize you were deluding yourself.

Like most language matters, possessives are based on very simple rules with very frustrating exceptions. And nowhere are these exceptions more annoying than in holiday names.

To make a possessive, in most cases you just add an apostrophe and an s. A day dedicated to your Valentine is Valentine’s Day. Roses you give to your girl become your girl’s roses.

But what about a day that honors not just one very deserving female in your life, but numerous different people at once, say for example a couple of notable presidents?

Again, we start with a simple rule: To make a possessive out of a plural noun that already ends in s, just add an apostrophe at the end. No extra s is needed. That’s why it would make sense to write Presidents’ Day and, indeed, why my dictionary says you should. But could the Associated Press leave well enough alone? Fat chance. Their official style, which most newspapers follow, is no apostrophe. Just Presidents Day.

So you’d think that AP would have some pretty strong advice on the subject of Saint Patrick’s Day, right? Wrong. AP doesn’t even have an entry for the holiday (a fact I find even more irksome because it happens to be my birthday, yet another day rife with opportunities for disappointment). So I must defer to the dictionary spelling that uses not just an apostrophe but a completely spelled-out “Saint.”

In other words, yes it’s his day and no you can’t short-change him on his hard-earned title (unlike that Valentine guy, whose saint title is as hard to detect as some men’s emotions).

Now that you’ve gotten a taste of the logic behind these holiday-name style rules, how do you suppose you’d punctuate a holiday that celebrates all mothers or all fathers? If you said “Mothers’ Day” and “Fathers’ Day” respectively, you’re both logical and wrong. For some reason, we’re supposed to think a day for “Mother” instead of a day for mothers. Ditto for Dad. Both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are written as singular possessives -- and on this one, Webster’s agrees with AP.

New Year’s, when you think about it, is kind of goofy. I mean, sure it has a bit of a possessive connotation when followed by “Day,” but do we really need to emphasize that the year owns the day? Yes, say AP and Webster alike.

By the way, when you’re talking about a new year in the generic sense, as in, “I hope the new year will bring greater appreciation of the love I give every day,” it’s not even capitalized. But whenever you’re talking about the holiday, it gets a capital N and Y and always gets an apostrophe and s.

Just be glad that the guy who lured the snakes from Ireland wasn’t named James. According to the Associated Press Stylebook, possessives of names that end in s get only an apostrophe. But according to the Chicago Manual of Style, which governs books such as “He’s Just Not That Into You” and “Smart Women, Foolish Choices,” names that end in s still get the extra s.

So newspapers would write about James’ day, while every book to ever mention it would write of James’s day.

So with that, I’ll leave you to wonder whether the adorably manipulative subtext of this column achieved its goal. If so, I’ll be rolling in roses and chocolate. If not, well, there’s always Guy Fawkes Day.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at JuneTCN@aol.com.

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