REEL CRITIC: ‘Barnyard’ is an udder cow-pie

In the world of movies, there are those that inspire, those that merely entertain and, in the case of “Barnyard,” those that make your blood boil.

This film is not only a mediocre talking-animal movie, it is so inane you’ll be angry you spent your time there. This is not one of those family movies parents and children can enjoy together. Children will probably laugh at the predictably nutty characters performing predictably wacky stunts, but parents will be groaning the whole way through.

To synopsize, ever-partying Cow Son (Kevin James) is a disappointment to Cow Dad and Barnyard Boss (Sam Elliott). When Dad dies trying to protect the animal community from the evil coyotes, son Otis has to grow up and face the music. Sound familiar? It’s “The Lion King” redux. It even has the scene set in the coyotes’/hyenas’ scary hellish lair at the edge of the beautiful known world.

The writers put no effort into making the script surprising or fresh, hoping the jokes and action will keep the kids happy. It’s a wonder how they got away with a PG rating. There’s “drunken” carousing, strong blows to the head, vicious teeth-gnashing and generally scary situations.

Twice a cow gets mauled by a pack of ruthless coyotes, yet not one speck of blood mars its pink and white plastic-y hide. And many a parent might have a real problem with stoner pizza guys, obnoxious kids, clueless farmers and especially with our hero joy-riding in a stolen car, drinking a six-pack (it’s actually milk and honey but it’s clear what it’s supposed to be).

Much has been said about the fact that many of the bovines (not bulls) are males. It might have been easier to swallow this impossibility in the hands of a classier animation company. But in this garishly colored, bulbous style, the udders are so constantly bouncing in your face, it’s very hard to process that they’re males, and thuggish, party-all-night males at that. Incidentally, there are female cows. You know them by their slimmer physiques and the bows in their hair.

The big name voice-over talent like Courteney Cox, Kevin James, Wanda Sykes and Andie MacDowell, is wasted. None of their unique humor shines through. Danny Glover, as a crusty old mule, struggles to give some heart and soul to the film. Elliott does sing a great rendition of Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.” It symbolizes the most valid point of the film — be courageous and responsible, don’t goof-off all your life. The songs on the soundtrack, while tacked on and not integral to the action, are actually pretty good.

Admittedly, my kids laughed at quite a few things and liked the tricks the animals played on the humans. But movies should at least attempt to help increase kids’ film sophistication and senses of humor, like “The Wizard of Oz” or “Willy Wonka.” If they’re not going to do that, then they certainly should not perpetuate negative images and stereotypes.