Hansen: Funeral business is about healing hearts and comforting souls

There is a store in the O’Connor Mortuary in Laguna Hills where you can buy keepsakes.

They are meant to provide comfort for the living. One silver-heart-shaped pendant looks like an ordinary piece of jewelry until you get closer and realize the decoration is a fingerprint.

At first glance, it may seem maudlin, but for survivors these types of touchstones represent an undeniable bridge to coping with the death of a loved one — perhaps too soon lost.

Despite some modest advances in marketing and technology, today’s mortuary industry remains unchanged from decades ago. Support the bereaved. Take care of the unspoken things. Provide the shoulder. Be that person.

“I’m asked a lot, ‘How do you do this? How do you do your job?’ And I never think of it,” said owner Neil O’Connor, whose family started the business in 1898. “Our core values are to heal hearts, inspire trust and comfort souls. We try to live these core values, because if we can’t live them, we can’t deliver them.”

O’Connor never thought he would join the business. He likes beach volleyball, yoga and spending time with his family. But he finally realized it was in his blood. He enjoys serving others.

“There’s a wholeness, a goodness that takes place. It’s a continuum of energy trying to serve people,” he said.

Since he signed on 26 years ago, he has seen the effect of a “good funeral.” He knows there is value in ceremony and tradition. And he’s also had to learn many things along the way.

“I’ll be the first to acknowledge not everyone wants a viewing or a traditional funeral, and that’s OK,” he said. “But if we could do something meaningful for them down the road, it will help them heal, and we all heal differently.”

In the melting pot that is Orange County, the mortuary staff has had to educate themselves on various religions and cultures. It’s no longer just Protestant, Catholic or other.

“Obviously, it’s completely changed now,” he said. “We have funeral and cremation plans specifically tailored and designed for Buddhist families, for Hindu families, for Catholic families, Mormon families — almost every major religion. The latest and greatest one, which I didn’t even know anything about until about a year ago, is the old religion called Zoroastrian.”

Zoroastrianism has a funeral that’s similar to a Hindu ceremony, O’Connor said, “but they wanted everything delivered — ceremony and cremation — within 24 hours, which is usually not the norm for us. But we were able to do that.”

In addition to diversity, the mortuary business has to keep pace with the aging baby boomer population, those born from the end of World War II to the early 1960s.

In California alone, nearly 10 million people were born during that time, representing more than 25% of the state’s population, according to the California Department of Finance. The oldest baby boomers are now 70 years old.

O’Connor said O’Connor Mortuary will serve about 1,100 families this year, plus an additional 200 to 250 through the cremation service, Pacific Cremation Society. The number of families choosing cremation has increased steadily over the years, now making up the majority.

“Our cremation rate 26 years ago was probably 35%,” O’Connor said. “Now it’s at 55%, and that’s typical for Orange County.”

Cremation rates can be as low as $300, much less than a casket burial and funeral service at about $6,500 to $7,500.

“It’s not uncommon for people to have a reception too,” O’Connor said. “I’ve personally known people who may pay for a $5,000 funeral, but I’ve seen them pay $75,000 for a reception at the Ritz-Carlton and host 300 people.”

This notion of a reception or party is a growing trend. Families want to honor the deceased in a way that celebrates the life. Often, that means things like paddle-outs, luaus or other hobby-based ceremonies.

“This time is unique for everyone, and the life that was lived is unique. All we’re here to do is facilitate what’s in the best interests of that family. What would be meaningful?” O’Connor said.

“We’ve planned the funeral for almost every walk of life. We had a hockey player, and you can only guess where the funeral was. It was at the hockey rink.”

Whatever funeral path people choose, O’Connor said, the important things are to plan ahead, do your research on a provider and make the effort to start the healing process. Like other local mortuaries, O’Connor Mortuary has a free planning form, available online at oconnormortuary.com.

“It’s better to work off a plan than a crisis at 3 in the morning,” he said. “Everything we do we try to educate people so they can make really good decisions.

“People are starting to understand that ceremony is very important. We have it in every other aspect of life — births, weddings, anniversaries. A funeral really isn’t about the deceased. Yes, we honor them and talk about their life, but it’s more about the living.”

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DAVID HANSEN is a writer and Laguna Beach resident. He can be reached at hansen.dave@gmail.com.